How can we transform conflict at home, at work, in our communities and in the world?
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THE THIRD SIDE
UNDERSTAND
What is the Third Side?
Overview
3S Assumptions
3S Skills
Where is it Working?
3S Roles Everyone Plays
Apply 3S to my Situation
Teach about the Third Side
Thirdside Conversations
Everyday Thirdside Actions
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3S Skills - See from the Thirdside


To gain perspective and see from the Third Side you need to Go to the Balcony. The Balcony is a mental place of calm and perspective where you can keep your eyes on what is truly important. Imagine that the conflict is happening on a stage and you are on the balcony overlooking the stage. Going to the balcony means taking a distanced view of close things. What do you see from up there? How does that alter your perspective?

Going to the Balcony allows you to speak and listen with a measure of detachmen. It permits you to be open to new ideas and possibilities. Improving your ability to go to the balcony can have a positive impact on conflicts around you. Sometimes the simple act of witnessing a conflict, paying respectful attention to the parties and what they are saying, can shift the outcome.

There are three simple steps for Going to the Balcony : Stop - Look - Listen.

Stop
  • Take time to prepare
  • Take a time out
  • Count to 10
  • Take a deep breath
  • Remember "Everything starts by stopping"
  • Look
  • Look inside yourself - look at your natural reaction to take sides, ignore and escape.
  • Name your emotions. Have your emotions (rather than be them)
  • Listen
  • Hear your feelings out so you don't have to act them out
  • Listen to understand
  • Use a friend or colleague as your 'balcony'.
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